I'm a Victor

I have been really impacted by a message I heard at church recently. It was about living as a victor and not a victim. One point really hit home with me: a victim speaks the language of defeat; a victor speaks the language of praise.


In the book, Raising My Spirited Child, it talks about the way the world loves to label people. And more often than not, we have labels for all those around us, including our children. Labels are ok...as long as they're the right kind of labels - labels that we are proud to wear. Spirited children can be the wearers of many not so nice kinds of labels. Willfull. Stubborn. Disobedient. Naughty. Wild. Out of control. High-maintenance. I could go on. As mothers, we have the power to change these labels...or make sure they never even get a chance to stick.


Have you ever noticed how if you start calling someone a particular name, the people around you begin to call them by that name too? Such is the power of words. The fact that Benjamin follows me around crying if I leave the room and seems to need constant attention and touch can be really annoying and totally time-consuming. Makes me want to pull my hair out some days. (And yes I have tried to leave him...he can scream for loooong time!)But I've chosen to appreciate the cuddly and affectionate little boy that he is. He genuinely just wants to to be with us. And as I've been giving him that quality time that he needs, he seems to be a much happier boy. My mom has noticed it too. And she's noticed that I am more positive about Benjamin and has commented I look happier! (O dear, what did I look like before?)


There are so many things I'm learning about my boy. Things like that expecting him to sit still is actually quite a big ask. He's very energetic and he's also a go-getter. Don't you love those words? It's those kind of labels that are going to give him the freedom to be who he is made to be. And yes sure there are going to be time when bad labels from someone in his world will manage to stick and I'll have to do some damage control. But I also the power of the foundation I'm building into his life right now.

Time to say goodbye

I'm crazy for coffee! It's one of my favourite things. If I can have a good coffee (mocha to be exact), it feels like I've had a treat. For the first few months after having Benjamin, I'm sure it kept me sane. Not only the coffee itself, but the whole cafe experience...especially when it was shared with a good friend. I would go for a walk and end up at a cafe with a good book or my Bible. And a couple of days after I got home after having Benjamin, the first place I went was down the road to the local cafe.

Even when we've had little money, which is actually quite a lot of the time because my husband is a student, I always found money for a coffee. It may seem like a strange priority, but for me, it was important. I may not be able to go to a movie or eat out at a restaurant that often, but I can get a coffee!


But alas, it's time to say goodbye (la la la, sing with me...it's a song title if you're not following me). Gone are the days when Benjamin will sleep happily in his pram while I take some time out. And as of yesterday, gone are the days when plying him with his favourite food keeps him sitting happily in his high chair. Yesterday after trying unsuccessfully to keep him busy with his food, I gave up, asked for my now luke warm coffee to be transfered into a take away cup and retreated to the parents' room where I tried to enjoy sipping my coffee from my cardboard cup while perched on the edge of my stroller. Not surprisingly it just wasn't the same.

I guess I need to come to terms with the fact that my baby is now a toddler...walking, albeit unsteadily, and wanting to practise this new found skill at every opportunity. Sigh.

Happy homecoming

Well you would not believe the little boy that came home from his babysitter today! Happy as Larry. The only thing I could think of was that he was just REALLY happy to be home! He'd only been out for 8 hours - it's not like it was days. He danced to the music on TV, played happily with his toys by himself, let me get on with cleaning up in another room (gasp!), ate all his dinner without a fuss and didn't whine when we put him to bed.

Did the babysitters swap my baby? Nope. He just loves being at home in a familiar environment with the people he loves most around him. He was so easy to look after! I could do other things! I had a glimpse into what other mothers may experience with more easy-going babies (not that I would EVER change him, as I've said before).

Maybe some time apart from each other is actually going to be good for us. You see I'm putting Benjamin in day care soon for two days a week. I'm quite nervous about it - what am I going to do without my little man? Will they look after him well enough? They're not me! But after today, I'm beginning to think it may be just what the both of us need.

That 10pm feed

I have a small dilemna. It's high time that Benjamin, who is almost 11 months old, stopped his 10pm feed. Thing is I'm actually scared of what might happen if I do! Yes, I am scared. "Of a baby?" you may be asking. If you don't know why, read my first few posts. Things are in a nice rhythm at the moment. He sleeps from 7pm until 5.30 or 6am and most nights he doesn't wake for his 10pm feed....but I give it to him every night anyway because I don't want to take the chance of him waking! Things have not always been this peachy - yes, to me even a 5.30am wake up is peachy.

I am so worried that somehow if I change one thing, everything will go haywire. You see, it's happened before. Once when he was about 4 months old, I took some advice that caused him to start waking every 2 to 3 hours at night when he was actually doing 5 or 6 hour stretches. (This lady told me to go with the flow a bit more...with spirited babies there is no such thing as flow!!) And then we went away over Christmas and the night waking began again. Consistency is the key with spirited babies. They are very sensitive to change. So as you can see, I am lacking in courage when it comes to trying new things out with my baby!

Do I really need to do something I'm not ready to do? But if I take his age into account, he really "shouldn't" need his late night feed. Is that comparing though? And wasn't my motto whatever works? Hmmm. To be honest, I'm just not sure on this one. It would be great to be able to go to bed earlier.

Any advice?

Whatever Works!

As a mother, it's funny what you feel the need to explain to others. Once a mum explained to me, as she was sitting feeding her baby a jar of store-bought food, that it was ONLY when she went out that would feed her baby store-bought food. The only reason I think she would feel the need to explain this to me is because somehow she feels it's not quite "good enough" to be feeding your child something that you haven't made with your own two hands.

Why is there this feeling among mums that we have to be Super Moms?!! To be honest, if it wasn't for the budget, I'd fill my cuboards with jars and tins of food and be quite relieved I didn't have to cook for Benjamin. I'm not someone who likes to cook. I cook because we need to eat. No other reason. Thank goodness Benjamin is getting to an age where he can start to share in the family meals!

I'm sure food made at home is very good for your baby but then with all the research that goes into making the best baby food possible, it must be pretty good too. And actually it doesn't even have preservatives which is what puts some mums off. And you can even get organic baby food - what more could you want? : ) My Plunket nurse said sometimes bought food is even better than what we make at home because it's made when the veges or fruit are at their best. By the time these fruit and veges reach the supermarket and we get to making our food, they've been lying around for a few days already. And sometimes we can overcook veges too sapping their nutrients. It's something to think about anyway.

All that said, as mums, we should all do what's best for us - because as I'm sure you've all heard: what's best for you is best for baby. We're more relaxed, happier and fulfilled mums when we just do what WE feel is best.

So my motherhood motto is: Whatever works for you

(and about half of the time I manage to live by this motto. It's actually not that easy!..for me anyway)

Listless

This is the third blog entry I've written today. I decided not to post the last two. It's a reflection of how I'm feeling: listless. What a great word..here's the definition:

Having or showing little or no interest in anything; languid; spiritless; indifferent

With an almost empty week ahead of me, I woke up this morning feeling a lack of....something. I couldn't put my finger on it. I just wasn't looking forward to my day - let alone my week. The Bible says:
"Where there is no vision, people perish". (somewhere in Proverbs, can't find it right now - anyone know where it is?).

The thing is, my life does have purpose and I have vision, but when the only thing you have planned that day revolves around nappies and nap times, that purpose can seem a little far away. It also doesn't help that my husband has gone back to uni this week. I'm used to having him around. And he's taken the car with him too.

Thank goodness a friend called and we went to the park with her little girl and Benjamin...not that this little girl was too impressed with having to put up with a baby who hit her on the head and shoved his Marmite sandwich on her top! But we all had a good time.

As soon as my friend was gone, this feeling of listlessness returned. What gives? I can think of so many wonderful things that have happened in my life lately. I've recently found two jobs - one of them which involves writing - a dream come true. There's purpose right there! And of course being a mum is a purpose all in itself.

Anyway, I still haven't figured out why I'm feeling like this. And that's ok. It is, after all, just a feeling and I live by faith, not feelings. Tomorrow will be a better day...nappies and all!

The things he does

*Read above entry titled "Listless" first for this one to make sense : )

Benjamin's taken to carrying things around in his mouth lately...just like a little puppy. I'll turn around and see him crawling up to me with a cracker or piece of fruit hanging out of mouth. He even does this with his drinking cup! Maybe there's just too much to accomplish to stop for a bite to eat. And all day long I've been getting cuddles. Don't you love cuddles?












There was a pear and now it's gone!

Benjamin is a sensitive little soul and needs cuddles throughout the day. He is happiest when I sit on the floor with him while he plays. And every few minutes he'll come over, pull himself up on my legs and put his arms around my neck for a cuddle. Then he's away again...happy as can be. Somedays this constant need for affirmation and touch can be annoying. I can't get much done. But I do love holding him close to me, kissing his cheek and neck and smelling his hair - yummy baby smells!

One day he might not want to know me and even a trip to the mall with me may cause him some embarrassment! And as for a cuddle, well that may be pushing it. So for the moment anyway, I'm gonna try to appreciate every cuddle I get.


P.S. This was one of the posts I didn't post yesterday. In the light of how I was feeling, it seemed like a frivolous kind of entry. I think my listlessness had something to do with Great Aunt Flo arriving. Or as my wonderful sister puts it, my Red Friend. I'd like to have a private word with anyone who says PMS is in the mind!