An actual laugh out loud

I'm grateful for things that make me laugh.

So my lovely friend, Leisl, has a blog, as mentioned in the last post. She is a witty and talented writer. And by the way, this is not a plug for her blog. Just the plain facts. She's brilliant.

Read this little excerpt:
"The next time someone tries to tell you that having children close together in age is a good idea, tell them to get lost. Seriously. They have either never tried this particular brand of torture out themselves, or they’re so badly traumatised by it, they’ve split off a personality that keeps the horror at bay.


Alas, I was dragged like a hapless fool into believing this conspiracy theory. But here’s the thing – all that rubbish about them being best friends when they’re older? What they don’t tell you is that the REASON they’re best friends is because their mother turns into a psycho nut-job and they need to join ranks to defend themselves against her."

And then she went on to say how her husband came home to find her jumping on the bed with ther baby in her arms and...o, you better read it for yourself. This got an actual laugh out loud from me. How often do we put the famous LOL and truthfully, it's only a moderate chuckle, or a smile.

Maybe its that I know her and can picture the scene in my head. Or maybe it's because I've been there, in her shoes. O, the ridiculous and desperate things I did to get my boys to sleep at times.

And just for fun, here's a song that I just can't get out of my head. You know those ones with the extremely catchy and contagious tunes? You've been warned.



Linking up with....

Turned the corner but still remember

I spoke to my amazing friend Leisl the other day, who called from South Africa on my birthday. We were in high school together and are still really good friends, despite the thousands of miles that now separate us. Thank you, God, for technology!

She has two boys, one of which is just five months old. And still wakes up three or four times a night. I really feel for her, and can totally relate. Because I was there not long ago. Unfortunately for me, this continued until Smiley was 11 months old (which was not welcome news to Leisl!). Remember this post?

I was so desperate, especially as I had done all the 'right' things. I had a good bed time routine set up and Smiley could soothe himself to sleep unaided. But when it hit 10pm, it was like none of that counted for anything.

I was exhausted, running on empty, and honestly surprised I did not develop post-natal depression as I did after the birth of Turbo.

http://weheartit.com/entry/8185940

Now I've turned the corner and I'm on the other side. I get a good night's sleep most nights, although my boys are early wakers and we're up at 6am. I refuse to complain about the early start. I know where we've come from.

The breakthrough was not by accident by the way. And he fought hard. But thankfully only for three or four nights. And this was not my first attempt either. I had tried at four months, which took weeks. And then he swiftly regressed back to square one, even though I was not feeding in the night and not going in to him.

So, what I'm trying to say is that I've been there....

When you're incapable of making any decisions because your brain is in such a fog.


When all you feel like doing is crawling into bed but you always have to keep going.


When your eyes feel constantly heavy-lidded and tears often and easily flow.


When you get sick because your body has absolutely no reserves.


When you have no patience (poor Turbo often got the worst of me) and feel like you're going to tip over the edge at any moment.


When you want to strangle other mothers who have babies younger than yours who sleep through the night.

When you wonder constantly what it is you're doing wrong...especially if it's your second time around with a baby who doesn't sleep well.


So I wanted to send cyber hugs and some prayers to any mums going through that awful phase where the night wakings are still frequent, and where you live in a constant fog, just trying to survive the day.

It does pass! I promise.

The torture chamber

A.K.A. Smiley's bedroom

It began at 11.30pm. I was in that lovely deep slumber that you fall into an hour or so after going to sleep. Smiley was up.
I fed him quickly and popped him back into bed which is usually all I have to do. He started crying again before I'd even reached the door. Damn.

I picked him up again and fed him again. He finished feeding and looked up at me, wide awake. Double damn.

At that point the options are leave him to cry, which can last for over an hour or try to settle him. Patting does not work, he gets even more upset. And (stupidly in this case!) I prefer not use a dummy with my babies. So into my arms he came and I began pacing the torture chamber, his head on my shoulder.

About 10 minutes later I gently put him down. He starts crying as soon as he hits the cot. I pick him and start pacing again.

15 minutes later I gently lay him down and leave the room. Phew. I lie down and start to drift off. Blissful sleep.

The culprit, who is also criminally cute

The crying begins again shortly after. Mr Samoa gets up. It's his second week of his new job tomorrow. Not a good look to be yawning. Anyway.

10 minutes later he emerges from the chamber. The crying starts up again. I storm into the room and yell at Smiley. Yes, I did. I am a crazy woman in the middle of the night. Of course, this makes him cry even more.

I try feeding him again. This doesn't work. By this time I've been up an hour anyway. Should have just left him to cry. Problem is, in our small unit, you hear, with clarity, every gut-wrenching wail. And despite ear plugs, I can still hear and am on edge the whole time, almost crying myself. O, and he'll often wake Turbo. And another thing, I swore I would never leave my Smiley to cry after all we went through with Turbo.

So the pacing starts again. I am deperate by now. Eventually his body goes limp and I am able to lay him down. I fall back alseep.

You would think this would be all for the night but no, there's more!

1am the crying begins again. In hindsight, I should have given him paracetamol at this point, but instead I stumbled groggily into the chamber and began pacing, tripping over my own feet in my exhuastion. Thankfully this time it was quick.

3.45am he's up again. I feed him this time. I know I shouldn't, but I am at my wits' end.

5.20 am he's up. And this time, despite both Mr Samos and I settling him, he will not go to sleep. At 6am I turn on his light and put some toys in his cot. He screams even louder. 5 minutes later he settles down. It's shortlived though. Turbo is now up. The day has begun. I am not ready for it. I am exhausted.

Please, please, God, may tonight be better.


So now you also know why I am absent from blogland every few days. Just trying to survive.


{Note: Sorry, but I'm not looking for advice. I know enough sleep training methods to write a book after all I've been through with both boys. I did have Smiley sleeping through the night at 5 months, but at great cost to me. What you can do is pray for me. Thanks!}

Ticking over into Twenty Eleven

{If you haven't entered my giveaway yet, there's still time! And remember if you mention the giveaway on your blog, you get an extra entry.}

I haven't done a post about 2011 yet. You see, I'm not quite sure what the year holds for me.

2011 still finds me in survival mode with Smiley's sleep. And until he's sleeping better at night, I feel a bit like I'm living at limited capacity.

But I'm ok with that. I'm being kind to myself until this season is over.

There are a few things that I am continuing on with.

I wrote this post in August 2009 and it really was a defining time for me.

One of the decisions I talk about in the post was to learn to play guitar.

No this is not me. I just love all the pink and cool guitar.

I have always wanted to but never quite got there. I tend to put too much pressure and expectation on myself to be brilliant at things when actually, I just need to start and maybe I'll be brilliant one day after a whole lot of practise and hard work! I set myself a realistic time frame of 5 years too. Plenty of time left.

Since writing that post, I have learned 9 chords and I am loving it. I don't practise as much I as I would like but I'm pleased with my progress.

Music is in me and it feels so good to nurture that.

In 2011 I also want to continue putting time into this blog. I have loved the journey! And loved the people I have met.

At one point I was thinking of looking for work or going back to finish my degree, but neither of those options sits right with me at the moment. 

So for now, I am just "continuing on" into 2011.

Being the best mother and wife that I can be.

Trusting that if I live open to God, he will, as Joyce Meyer says, "come and get me" and show me where I need to be.

I want to live "careless in the care of God" this year.

(Matthew 6:27, The Message)

It's feeling good already.

Doing better, thanks

So the last few weeks have been a little rough.
 This post pretty much describes the last two or three weeks.

I was completely exhausted, depleted, not coping, low. It was bad enough for me to go and see a doctor.
I usually just 'push through', which is probably why I hit such a wall.
I'm the type of person who doesn't sit still for long, likes to accomplish things and has a to-do list constantly in her head. I give until I've got no more in the (subconscious) quest to be the perfect wife and mother.
Anyone do the same?

And after 9 months straight of waking at least once a night, quite often more, no wonder I'm feeling the way I am.

We have (once again!!! read this post or this one for the battles with Turbo) tried different methods, and battled with Smiley to get him sleeping better.
My babies seem to be the kind who just don't give up that easily.

Crying it out does not work. They go for hours night after night after night....for weeks. For months I was up at night with Smiley. I refused to feed him, you see, before a certain time, and so it was either let him scream
(I tried for a few weeks but it didn't work and it's tortureous for me in our small unit where we live)
or sit with him or walk him up and down.

Looking back now I think I was nuts. Once again, I was trying to accomplish something:
the 'ultimate goal' (dripping with sarcasm) of having (drum roll please):
A baby who sleeps through the night.
Hmmmm.
I secretly hate those words!

And it was always me getting up as Mr Samoa had to study for exams, write assignments etc. and it was his last shot at getting his degree.
We weren't about to take any chances!

I'm rambling. Back to the doctor's appointment...

Her 'diagnosis' all boiled down to this:
"If you sort your baby's sleep out, you will be fine."

No kidding. You think?



She prescribed me some multivitamins and organised me a blood test.
We had a talk about post natal depression too.
I struggled with PND for 5 months after's Turbo's birth so I (and my family) have been watching out for it this time around.
But so far so good. I've enjoyed the journey so much more this time...
until these past few weeks.


The blood test levels came back all fine. Dang.
I was hoping I could 'fix' me with an iron pill or something.

But I have to agree with the doctor. The tiredness is taking it's toll.

But the good news (flippin' great news actually) is that this week I am feeling a whole lot better.

Still tired, yes, but Mr Samoa is being amazing.
He lets me sleep in every morning and because he hasn't currently found a summer job, he's home and helping me.

On top of that I've shifted my mindset. I HAVE to look after me more.
So I rest at every opportunity, even if it's just half an hour.

And as I mentioned in the last post, Smiley is now doing 2 hour afternoon naps instead of 40 minutes.
This makes a HUGE difference too. I didn't realise what a strain it was until it changed.
When he wakes up I feel ready to see him again. I look forward to it.


So things are looking up.

Phew!

Loving, not loving

Loving that...

Mr Samoa (a.k.a clown!) has been offered a job! Yes, I real job for the first time in 5 long, hard years. A few things have to be confirmed, but the offer is official and the champaigne will come out next week after his exam. Gotta keep focused for now.

Smiley, who is 8 months old is already eating what we eat at the dinner table (in smaller chunks of course). I am not having another fussy eater like Turbo, who from around the age of 1, decided a fruit or vegetable would not pass through his lips...unless Mummy cleverly disguised it in his food.

Last night Smiley ate our mince with us and the night before, pasta. And he eats lots of different types of fruit.

Turbo has been fully toilet trained for the last few months. The money it saves on nappies! And he has a bladder like a camel so no trouble when we go out. He just waits until we get home. Awesome stuff, Turbo!

My backyard is a little Summer haven. It's not big, but it's just right for us. A trampoline, sandpit and paddling pool. A shady, leafy tree with a cool afternoon shade spot. We spend most afternoons there.

I bought a skipping rope. Finally doing some exercise. I wasn't quite getting out there, so I brought the exercise home to me. Flip, it's hard! Can only do a minute at the moment.

We are getting out and socialising more at night with our kids. With Turbo, I was so scared to break his routine. This time, we want to have a life! On Saturday night we were here. Thanks, Simone, we really enjoyed ourselves.

Mr Samoa and I keep getting closer and stronger in our relationship, despite the recent rocky patches. He rocks. THE best husband.

Not loving that...

One of my best friends is moving away. Not too far, but far enough that we can't meet up like we do now. I am going to miss her terribly. But, at least we'll have a holiday destination?

The scorching NZ sun season is upon us. Being the colouring that I am, I can never fully enjoy it. I'm the one scrambling desperately for a spot in the shade and constantly lathering myself with suncreen. But hey, you all should be doing the same, right? No one is immune to skin cancer.

I'm so tired. Smiley still wakes at night and so I have a really short fuse at the moment. Turbo often gets the worst of me. Mornings are not good.

Smiley still only naps for half an hour during the day. I don't get much done. I probably should come to terms with that now.

Because of the above, my house is really not that clean. And I don't foresee being able to do anything about it anytime soon. I manage to do the main stuff but I can't remember when I cleaned behind the furniture or in the cupboards for example. So if you come over to my house, please don't look too closely! Sigh.

That darn S word!

Sleep, sleep, sleep. You seem to say that word a lot when you're a mom. Either talking about how your child is with it, what you're doing about it or how you need more of it. But I have some good news...for me anyway. And lots of sympathy for those who can't share in my joy.


My 6 month old baby boy is now sleeping 10 to 11 hours consistently at night without so much as a peep!!!! To say I am chuffed is an understatement. I was seriously beginning to wonder how I was going to survive. I guess we got to a place of sheer desperation. We were tired and not functioning well. My awesome friend and sister, Sammy, said that I need to be a little harder. Her words were a bit different to that but that's how we'll phrase that one for now.




I tried being hard with Benjamin and it did not work. I remember pacing up and down outside his room for hours while he screamed at night - for 2 nightmarish weeks! Trained experts said it should take 3 to 5 nights. They don't know Benjamin. And a month or so later, he reverted back to waking...so what WAS the point?


So anyway, we moved our bed into the lounge (we have a very small 2 bedroom unit) so we'd at least have wall between us and the crying. We began praying in his room before he went to sleep and praying together once he was asleep. After 4 nights his crying was down to about 10 minutes. By night 5 he slept 10 or 11 hours solid and so it has continued.



Day time is not so great and often he only has two cat naps. But that's ok! I am not complaining. I am more than not complaining: I am thankful. Grateful. Getting at least 6 solid hours of sleep every night is just I had hoped for. I am a new woman. Yeah!

He's here!

Well, with little time to write (or to do much else), pictures will have to tell the story for now. Can't wait to write my birth story...it's a goodie!

After his first bath, checking Dad out

The first night, he slept 7 hours and got my hopes up high...he hasn't slept more than 2 hours at night since!

4 days old and already really alert and checking out the world

To say it's anything less than full on and crazy with a todler and a newborn would be lying. But I am determined to enjoy the journey this time and appreciate the things I didn't with Benjamin. Talking of Benjamin, his behaviour is a little bit challenging at the moment, but that was to be expected. He is lovely with Esera, and kisses and pats him and even shares his toys...but with us it's tantrums and defiance. We are giving him lots of cuddles and attention and hoping the storm will abate soon.

We have had so much support and meals and gifts...I feel so blessed and loved and am so thankful for the people God has placed around me, and for my family. We ate our last given meal tonight after 2 weeks of not having to cook...pretty awesome ay! If I haven't said it already, thanks to all those who've helped make this time easier for us

Suspicions confirmed!

Yesterday we had the appointment with the child psychologist. Once again, I went along sheepishly feeling I was wasting the time of someone highly qualified on a child where there really wasn’t anything wrong. But once again I had nothing to worry about. Dr. S from Germany was absolutely lovely and genuinely wanted to help us. It turned out he was helping us with Benjamin’s sleep problems (I wasn’t 100% sure why we had actually been referred).

He didn’t really say anything we hadn’t heard before except that waking twice a night was actually quite common (and normal) for most 18 month olds!!!!!! I was amazed. I seem to be surrounded by people where this is not the case. Anyway. He did say that what you do when they wake is what counts and helps them establish a good sleeping pattern.

Nearing the end of the appointment I asked him for some other advice on how best to handle Benjamin. Do you know what he said? Be one step ahead of him! I get tired just thinking about it. And then he said, “That’s what you have to do when dealing with an intelligent child.” Well, I was a proud momma! I mean we’ve had our suspicions about Benjamin being particularly bright and advanced, but now we’re totally sure. Confirmed by an expert and all.

Dr. S also mentioned we need to be proactive with Benjamin not reactive. While we were in the room with Dr. S, Benjamin took his water bottle, walked to corner and started squirting it all over the carpet. Dr S said he chose that spot because it’s out of sight and he knows he shouldn’t really do that. The solution? Take the water bottle away before he has the chance. I need eyes in the back of head!

Dr. S said a child like Benjamin needs a lot of stimulation and is a more challenging child to parent than most. Another suspicion confirmed! Sometimes I feel people just don't get what I'm talking about. Well now I know maybe I'm right about that too.

And once again, as if Auckland District Health Board and Starship Children's Hospital haven't done enough for us, Dr. S wants a follow up appointment with us in 4 weeks! (For what? I am thinking....but I said yes).

God of nations at Thy feet...la la la

Yes I am singing the praises of this little (but great!) nation, I now call home. In particular, the public health system. Coming from South Africa, where basically nothing is free, I am stunned by how much is available at no cost at all.

 

Let me tell you how this all started. A few months back, I was very sleep deprived, about 8 weeks pregnant, insanely hormonal and totally stressed out. I was not coping very well. And so I found myself at the doctor begging for something to sedate my little boy, to make him sleep better at night. She would not prescribe anything but instead refered me to Starship Children's Hospital to see a paedeatrician. Great help, was my sarcastic reply (in my head of course).

So anyway, the letter arrived a couple of weeks later informing me of my appointment with a Dr A. Along I went, feeling a bit sheepish. I mean, aren't there more pressing needs than a toddler's sleep problems? Dr A turned out to be a lovely lady who patiently listened and offered great advice, not making me feel this was a waste of time for one moment. She asked lots of questions and examined Turbo in detail - from his skin to his teeth.

But I had to hear what I didn't want to hear. Turbo's sleep problems can only be solved by going back to the good old behavioural training. In other words, teaching him (again!!) that if he wakes at night, he can go back to sleep by himself. Last time hubby and I did this training, it took 3 weeks of horrible crying (when I was advised it would take no longer than a week). I didn't want to hear this but deep down, I knew it was true. Going with the flow just does not equate with a boy like Turbo.

Another great bit of advice she gave us was to reduce his day time milk intake to help him eat more during the day and hopefully sleep better at night. We had already begum to reduce his night time milk and had successfully halved his night feed. But I was giving him as much milk as he wanted during the day. He loves it and it's good for him so why not? But reducing it worked like a charm! I now only give Turbo one bottle in 24 hours instead of three or four. And he eats a whole lot more. In hindsight, I feel kind of silly for not realising this myself...I mean, duh, of course milk fills your tummy up. Anyway.

While in the appointment, Dr A also checked his ears, which were red once again. Poor thing. So she refered him to an ear, nose and throat specialist (ENT) which is also free of charge. But wait there's more! Dr. A asked me if anything else about Turbo was challenging and I mentioned he was particularly strong and full on. So she refered me to a child psychologist! At the time I didn't quite know why, but I said yes to everything that was offered to me.

To top it all off, Dr. A threw in one free and one minimal cost parenting course that hubby and I can take if we chose to, which she highly recommended we do.

So I embarked on the sleep training with much trepidation. I decided to do it while hubby was away and I was staying at my mom's house because it's much quieter and Turbo sleeps in a room downstairs...so I didn't have to listen to him crying right next door to me. Aren't baby monitors great? They have volume buttons that can be turned down : )

Note: please sit down if you are not already sitting as this news may stun you

Turbo responded within a few days! And apart from last night, has slept like a dream ever since. We're talking 11 to 12 hours a night with a few whines and niggles in the early hours of the morning. The only thing I can put it down to is that this time, HE is ready. Not us. HIM. He's decided he'd quite like to sleep all night and so he is. Celebrate good times, come on! hmm hmmm

In saying this, I am ever more aware that the journey with Turbo's sleeping is not over. We have to remain consistent no matter what. I think in the past this has been our downfall. We've thought he was 'fixed'. We now realise his sleeping can easily be undone by any number of things (summer heat, teething, sickness etc.) and that consistently is key. No more quick fixes or giving in.

So I guess the Sleep Chronicles will continue. But hopefully with a lot less drama.

The sleep chronicles

The night before last night went something like this:

12am: Whines start from the room next door - which quickly turn into cries. I go into Benjammin's room , see if he's ok, offer him some water (which he spits out), lie him down again and walk out. The cries get louder and more hysterical. I pray he'd go to sleep. We try to ignore the cries. Frustration builds. Neither of us can get some sleep.

1am: We give in and get him a bottle.

1.30am: He is fast asleep and I can't get back to sleep. Finally I do. Not sure what time.

5.15am: The whines start from next door. I get up straight away and get him a bottle. This will send him straight back to sleep, I think, and then I can get some more much needed sleep.


5.50am: I give up and get up - he won't go back to sleep. I go into his room and am greeted by a huge smile. I don't quite manage to return it.





Then last night went like this:

12.45am: Noises start from the room next door. I groan and I pray hard. But soon he's wide awake and bouncing around in his cot. Not crying tonight so we decide to ignore.


1.30am: He starts to bang on the wall next to our bed (his cot is directly in the other side of the wall...if there was somewhere else in the room to put it, believe me I would put it there). Frustration is at a high. We need some sleep! I give in (again!!!!) and get him a bottle.


5.50am: Noises from next door. I am already resigned to getting up but they miraculously stop and he goes back to sleep. Maybe it's all the praying in the middle of the night. Funny (but not really) how he decides to go back to sleep when I have to get up for work and can't take advantage of it.


6.50am: He's up and bouncing around, full of beans. Wish I could say the same for me and poor hubby.




Whoever thought up the phrase "sleeping like a baby" certainly did not know Benjamin!

As hard as it to believe...

Well Benjamin's day time naps have me completely confused and for the very first time in his whole little life...wait for it...he has NO ROUTINE! I've been Mrs Routine from day one. I like knowing where things are at and having structure in my life. That's just me. I like things to run like a well-oiled machine. So it's quite stange that day to day I have no idea when his naps are. 12pm yesterday and today 9.30am...it all depends on how the night went and how he's feeling. I thought he would go into meltdown but actually he's doing just fine. Some days he's up for 6 hours before bedtime and sometimes only 4. I think I'm the one who find it harder!! But as much as I am pro-routine, not having one actually gives me more flexibility in my day.

And by the way, my weekend away was wonderful! It was like being single again. All I had to think about was ME! What do I feel like? What do I want to do? There wasn't that much spare time in between the sessions and speakers (who were amazing!!) but it was enough to appreciate the sense of...dare I say it...freedom. I did miss them both a little...but not too much : )

Cheers to changes and going away

Benjamin's in that annoying transition stage where he's decided to drop a nap. For the past two mornings he has refused to go to sleep at his normal sleep time of 9am. So in my state of panic this morning, caused by me running late because Benjamin slept in (gasp!), I told the day care lady that I have no idea when he sleeps now (reassuring for them) and to try to put him to sleep around 11am...."because who knows?!" said I. Poor lady. Long and short of it is that he only one nap today. Sniff sniff.

Usually when I get home from work, I put him straight to bed and then have a rest. Today, he was there. The whole time. No more rests!! Sigh. Cheers to new sleep patterns.

I'm going away on a woman's retreat for two whole nights this weekend! Two nights of freedom, relaxation, fun. Two nights away from my darling little boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have mixed emotions. Yes I really do need some time out. And yes, I will miss him terribly and think about him most of the time. Am I neurotic? Or just a first-time mum who doesn't realise that her child be absolutely fine and probably not miss me much at all : )

Friends and parties and sleep and....

Well there is so much to tell it's hard to know where to start. We've moved into our new place and are finally settling into the area and getting to know our way around. Benjamin was a nightmare for about a week...but now the change in him is phenomenal! He's got a big brother and sister now...friends! He whines way less. There's more to do and see and people to to play with. He is just so happy.

He's even adopted their cat, Lily, and he follows her around and grabs her - poor thing! This morning he literally threw her off the chair! When I heard that one baby is REALLY hard work then two gets a bit easier and three is even better, I didn't really believe it. But now I see why. There are helpers and entertainers. The baby is never alone and doesn't look to you for everything. Sounds good to me.

We had Benjamin's first birthday party on Easter Monday and it rocked! We had lots set up outside for the young and older kids, including motorbikes, a trampoline, tunnels filled with balls and a little ride on train. We even had some kids having fun in the wheelbarrow! Our friends stayed all afternoon and we all took turns on the bikes - woohooo! My husband's family organised the food and my Mom made the cake - train theme. We were so blessed and have been able to (almost) buy Benjamin a new cot.

We've found a day care for Benjamin which he starts on Wednesday. That, too, is a funny story. It's home-based child-care and the carer is a passionate Christian who believes his spiritual welfare is foremost. Like "O my gosh!" Where do you find that? And she lives just up the road. Thanks God.

And guess what!! Benjamin is now sleeping 11 to 12 solid hours most nights. GASP! FAINT! It just shows that when you are consistent and keep going, no matter how strong-willed your baby is, they will get it. It may take a while, but it's worth it. It's such bliss. Each morning I can't wait to see my little man. I'm so enjoying him. The journey of motherhood definitely gets better and better.

The 'kids' having fun

That 10pm feed

I have a small dilemna. It's high time that Benjamin, who is almost 11 months old, stopped his 10pm feed. Thing is I'm actually scared of what might happen if I do! Yes, I am scared. "Of a baby?" you may be asking. If you don't know why, read my first few posts. Things are in a nice rhythm at the moment. He sleeps from 7pm until 5.30 or 6am and most nights he doesn't wake for his 10pm feed....but I give it to him every night anyway because I don't want to take the chance of him waking! Things have not always been this peachy - yes, to me even a 5.30am wake up is peachy.

I am so worried that somehow if I change one thing, everything will go haywire. You see, it's happened before. Once when he was about 4 months old, I took some advice that caused him to start waking every 2 to 3 hours at night when he was actually doing 5 or 6 hour stretches. (This lady told me to go with the flow a bit more...with spirited babies there is no such thing as flow!!) And then we went away over Christmas and the night waking began again. Consistency is the key with spirited babies. They are very sensitive to change. So as you can see, I am lacking in courage when it comes to trying new things out with my baby!

Do I really need to do something I'm not ready to do? But if I take his age into account, he really "shouldn't" need his late night feed. Is that comparing though? And wasn't my motto whatever works? Hmmm. To be honest, I'm just not sure on this one. It would be great to be able to go to bed earlier.

Any advice?

Small Things

Yesterday was one of THOSE days. Benjamin seemed to whine from the moment he got up until the moment he went to sleep that night. I went through the list: hungry? Fed him some more. Tick that one off. Hot? I got out his pool and let him play in the water. Tick. Bored? Gave him a change of scenery. Tick. Teething? I used teething gel, herbal spray for teething and later pain relief syrup. Tick that one off too. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?! But still he whined. Need a cuddle? Some time with me? Some water? A sleep? When I did try to put him to sleep, he refused. Point blank. An hour and a half later I tried a drive in the car. Phew. He fell asleep....only to wake up shortly after the car stopped!

It’s on these days that I feel like walking away. Just for a while. I feel like saying, “That’s it; I’m going for some time out! See you later!” Only thing is....I’m IT. I can’t leave. And so breathing deeply to stay calm, you carry on. Hour after hour. No wonder these days leave you exhausted and in need of a good coffee (my solution for any kind of hard situation!).

But then there are days like today. Right from this morning he was happy. And today has been FUN! We hung out at the park and swam in the sea, laughing together and enjoying each other. It’s these days that make THOSE days bearable. I (literally!) had tears in my eyes as I watched him contentedly play with his toys while I had my morning coffee...in peace. Small things. But if we don’t give thanks for the small things, we may not end up giving thanks at all.

The battles continue

I’d like to say everything was rosy and lovely from then on but Benjamin was still a spirited baby. At 6 months he was as far from sleeping more than 4 hours at night as he’d ever been. Getting him off to sleep was no longer a problem. Keeping him asleep was.

For the first 6 to 7 months of Benjamin’s life, I used to dread the question “How is his sleeping?” Somehow it felt like I had failed and had got something wrong. There’d be one of three responses to my reply: another “helpful” tip or sure-to-work method; a “you must be doing something wrong” look coupled with an awkward silence; or a sympathetic “I’ve been there” look and a dose of ‘it will get better” encouragement. Sadly the last response was most rare.

Nearing the end of his sixth month, my husband and I (thank goodness for him!) managed to get Benjamin consistently sleeping 7 to 8 hours a night. Taking the advice of a nurse, we left Benjamin to cry at night, checking in on him at regular intervals. The nurse said it would take four to seven nights. I remember thinking “You don’t know my son”. And I was right. It took over three weeks!! Close to four actually. It was hell for me having to listen to son crying. But we persisted (I’m pretty persistent too...wonder where Benjamin gets it from?) and finally we had breakthrough.

Then we dared to go away over Christmas. And the night waking began again. Maybe it was the heat, maybe the strange house. Who knows? But had I vowed never to put me and my son through the crying thing again and so I found myself feeding him several times a night again. Give him an inch...you know the rest.

For another two or so months this continued. I hoped and prayed he would stop waking by himself. Spirited babies don’t often just stop doing things they like. And unless I still wanted to be feeding him several times a night for the next year, I decided to do something about it. Thankfully this time it only took a few nights.

So by nine months I managed to get him to sleep as long as some babies do at two or three months. But that is something I don’t like to think about : )

Then we came home

Once we were at home, I expected things to settle down nicely. A good friend that had visited me at the post-natal care place had given me some advice on how to put my baby in a routine. Routine! That must be the “right” way then if that was what had worked for my friend, who was at the time, an awesome mother of three children. But then the battles with Benjamin began. These battles were, in some form or another, to

be a part of my daily life. Benjamin was a very persistent, determined and strong-willed baby. A spirited baby.

I battled to get him to sleep. I wanted him to be able to settle himself to sleep from an early age. He cried a lot. My midwife advised we see a paediatrician. I had my suspicions that nothing was actually wrong with him. But we went and were prescribed some drugs for reflux. We never actually managed to get any of the medicine down his throat. What Benjamin doesn’t want to eat, he won’t...unless it’s very cleverly disguised (something I’ve become an expert at!).

For 5 months I battled, taking lots of advice along the way from books, help lines, the internet and well-meaning mothers. I tried every trick in the book, did everything “right” (there’s that word again) and still Benjamin took cat naps during the day and woke at least 3 times a night. I was stressed and not enjoying motherhood, let alone my gorgeous baby. I’m pretty sure I was mildly post-natally depressed too, although I was never diagnosed. Close friends and family worried a lot about me during that time.

At about 5 and a half months, things began to settle down a little, quite unexpectedly and without me doing anything differently. Imagine how much more I would have enjoyed the journey if had just enjoyed my baby and gone with the flow a bit more until he settled down. Retrospect is fine and dandy...but it doesn’t change a thing. Bottom line is I’ve learned a heck of a lot and can now be grateful for being able to walk through it all.