Monday, January 24, 2011

The torture chamber

A.K.A. Smiley's bedroom

It began at 11.30pm. I was in that lovely deep slumber that you fall into an hour or so after going to sleep. Smiley was up.
I fed him quickly and popped him back into bed which is usually all I have to do. He started crying again before I'd even reached the door. Damn.

I picked him up again and fed him again. He finished feeding and looked up at me, wide awake. Double damn.

At that point the options are leave him to cry, which can last for over an hour or try to settle him. Patting does not work, he gets even more upset. And (stupidly in this case!) I prefer not use a dummy with my babies. So into my arms he came and I began pacing the torture chamber, his head on my shoulder.

About 10 minutes later I gently put him down. He starts crying as soon as he hits the cot. I pick him and start pacing again.

15 minutes later I gently lay him down and leave the room. Phew. I lie down and start to drift off. Blissful sleep.

The culprit, who is also criminally cute

The crying begins again shortly after. Mr Samoa gets up. It's his second week of his new job tomorrow. Not a good look to be yawning. Anyway.

10 minutes later he emerges from the chamber. The crying starts up again. I storm into the room and yell at Smiley. Yes, I did. I am a crazy woman in the middle of the night. Of course, this makes him cry even more.

I try feeding him again. This doesn't work. By this time I've been up an hour anyway. Should have just left him to cry. Problem is, in our small unit, you hear, with clarity, every gut-wrenching wail. And despite ear plugs, I can still hear and am on edge the whole time, almost crying myself. O, and he'll often wake Turbo. And another thing, I swore I would never leave my Smiley to cry after all we went through with Turbo.

So the pacing starts again. I am deperate by now. Eventually his body goes limp and I am able to lay him down. I fall back alseep.

You would think this would be all for the night but no, there's more!

1am the crying begins again. In hindsight, I should have given him paracetamol at this point, but instead I stumbled groggily into the chamber and began pacing, tripping over my own feet in my exhuastion. Thankfully this time it was quick.

3.45am he's up again. I feed him this time. I know I shouldn't, but I am at my wits' end.

5.20 am he's up. And this time, despite both Mr Samos and I settling him, he will not go to sleep. At 6am I turn on his light and put some toys in his cot. He screams even louder. 5 minutes later he settles down. It's shortlived though. Turbo is now up. The day has begun. I am not ready for it. I am exhausted.

Please, please, God, may tonight be better.

So now you also know why I am absent from blogland every few days. Just trying to survive.

{Note: Sorry, but I'm not looking for advice. I know enough sleep training methods to write a book after all I've been through with both boys. I did have Smiley sleeping through the night at 5 months, but at great cost to me. What you can do is pray for me. Thanks!}

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Our Fanau said...


LatteJunkie said...

Well, i think you should...

Give yourself a pat on the back, forgive yourself for yelling and for knowing what works for you and your lovely little ones!

Hugs hun, it gets easier although it is a bitch at 3am!!


Lyns said...

Hi Penny...been there (including the yelling part!!), going through a slight sleep dep stage at the moment too. Praying that you have a good day today (with lots of giggles and boy hugs - they are sooo good for us tired Mums) and that you have a restful night tonight. xx

Anonymous said...

Oh hon, been there got the postcards. I can so relate to the bit where you lie there listening through clenched teeth. Hoping tonight is a better night for you all x

Sammy said...

Love you and you are the best Mommy. Will be praying for you xx

Michelle said...

I love this - I also forget about the Pamol in the middle of the night - a large flashing sign above the cot might be helpful?! I am enjoying your blog - my oldest (now 6) is a very spirited girl and Mary Kurchinka's book saved my life, or my daughters - probably both!

tea said...

So not easy when the wee one decides not to sleep. I hope your day is going well. I will pray that it does, and that tonight everyone sleeps soundly. ♥

Anonymous said...

Oh my..

Well firstly, I would like to say a rather enourmous thank you for your lovely comment on my blog the other day! Your words mean so much!

And next... I really don;t know what to say except, it will get better. My second child was rather wakeful at night and seemed to enjoy letting everyone know, unhappily, that she was awake. She is 17 now and I am still alive (just) and so is she. It was just something that had to be endured. The most wonderful piece of advice my aunty gave to me was...acept you will have sleepless nights, don't fight it, give in to it and just let it be.

Sending you much love ♥

Simoney said...

Ahhh Penny, you know I've been there.
Much sympathy to you and just to reassure you... IT DOES PASS!
Just look at me now.

Penny said...

Thank you all so much for encouraging me! Appreciate it

Sarah of 'Catching the Magic' said...

Hugs to you Penny x

I've given up with a cot entirely for Alice and spend the night with her on a futon. Some nights she has one or two feeds and leaves me to sleep - other nights I feel like a human pacifier! But it beats getting up and down.

She'll be one mid-February and I know, from experience with Sophie, that she'll probably be 3 before she sleeps without needing me (at least!) - but I can't handle crying and it's a sacrifice I'm happy to make. It means I can't go out and leave bubs with a sitter - but this time will pass all too quickly and we just have to remind ourselves that our time for fine wines and dining will come again :)

In the mean time... I like to treat myself to mid-avo cake and coffee from time to time :)

Hope you get some rest soon x

From a fellow sleep deprived Mamma!

Jules said...

Sounds like my night last night. And also my day today! I also got to the point where I said angrily "Oi, stop it" but obviously that just made matters worse! Ah the joys of wee bubbas!

Hope you get a good nights' sleep tonight.


Little Gumnut said...

Aww you poor thing, big bloggy hug to you.

Emma Burgess said...

Hi Penny,

I can identify so well (13 week old sleeping now), hope it gets better soon. I loved reading this, thanks so much. Lovely to find your blog! Emma. xx

Anonymous said...

I'm feeling your pain - also have two non-sleepers here. Wishing you good sleep soon!

tartankiwi said...

Wanted to comment yesterday, but thing were too hectic, so I thought I'd drop by today and send some huge hugs in your direction as well as lots of sleep vibes for the next night or two.

Meghan at MNM's said...

Sorry I'm behind the 8-ball on this as I meant to comment straight away...thinking of you as you go through this trying stage. even though right now it just doesn't seem like it ever will pass, it will. Keep strong and treat yourself to something little every day to keep your sanity - 5 mins doing something you love, or another cup of coffee - whatever works hon!

And yay for the perfume - just the medicine xx

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