The torture chamber

A.K.A. Smiley's bedroom

It began at 11.30pm. I was in that lovely deep slumber that you fall into an hour or so after going to sleep. Smiley was up.
I fed him quickly and popped him back into bed which is usually all I have to do. He started crying again before I'd even reached the door. Damn.

I picked him up again and fed him again. He finished feeding and looked up at me, wide awake. Double damn.

At that point the options are leave him to cry, which can last for over an hour or try to settle him. Patting does not work, he gets even more upset. And (stupidly in this case!) I prefer not use a dummy with my babies. So into my arms he came and I began pacing the torture chamber, his head on my shoulder.

About 10 minutes later I gently put him down. He starts crying as soon as he hits the cot. I pick him and start pacing again.

15 minutes later I gently lay him down and leave the room. Phew. I lie down and start to drift off. Blissful sleep.

The culprit, who is also criminally cute

The crying begins again shortly after. Mr Samoa gets up. It's his second week of his new job tomorrow. Not a good look to be yawning. Anyway.

10 minutes later he emerges from the chamber. The crying starts up again. I storm into the room and yell at Smiley. Yes, I did. I am a crazy woman in the middle of the night. Of course, this makes him cry even more.

I try feeding him again. This doesn't work. By this time I've been up an hour anyway. Should have just left him to cry. Problem is, in our small unit, you hear, with clarity, every gut-wrenching wail. And despite ear plugs, I can still hear and am on edge the whole time, almost crying myself. O, and he'll often wake Turbo. And another thing, I swore I would never leave my Smiley to cry after all we went through with Turbo.

So the pacing starts again. I am deperate by now. Eventually his body goes limp and I am able to lay him down. I fall back alseep.

You would think this would be all for the night but no, there's more!

1am the crying begins again. In hindsight, I should have given him paracetamol at this point, but instead I stumbled groggily into the chamber and began pacing, tripping over my own feet in my exhuastion. Thankfully this time it was quick.

3.45am he's up again. I feed him this time. I know I shouldn't, but I am at my wits' end.

5.20 am he's up. And this time, despite both Mr Samos and I settling him, he will not go to sleep. At 6am I turn on his light and put some toys in his cot. He screams even louder. 5 minutes later he settles down. It's shortlived though. Turbo is now up. The day has begun. I am not ready for it. I am exhausted.

Please, please, God, may tonight be better.


So now you also know why I am absent from blogland every few days. Just trying to survive.


{Note: Sorry, but I'm not looking for advice. I know enough sleep training methods to write a book after all I've been through with both boys. I did have Smiley sleeping through the night at 5 months, but at great cost to me. What you can do is pray for me. Thanks!}