Thursday, March 24, 2011

Turned the corner but still remember

I spoke to my amazing friend Leisl the other day, who called from South Africa on my birthday. We were in high school together and are still really good friends, despite the thousands of miles that now separate us. Thank you, God, for technology!

She has two boys, one of which is just five months old. And still wakes up three or four times a night. I really feel for her, and can totally relate. Because I was there not long ago. Unfortunately for me, this continued until Smiley was 11 months old (which was not welcome news to Leisl!). Remember this post?

I was so desperate, especially as I had done all the 'right' things. I had a good bed time routine set up and Smiley could soothe himself to sleep unaided. But when it hit 10pm, it was like none of that counted for anything.

I was exhausted, running on empty, and honestly surprised I did not develop post-natal depression as I did after the birth of Turbo.

Now I've turned the corner and I'm on the other side. I get a good night's sleep most nights, although my boys are early wakers and we're up at 6am. I refuse to complain about the early start. I know where we've come from.

The breakthrough was not by accident by the way. And he fought hard. But thankfully only for three or four nights. And this was not my first attempt either. I had tried at four months, which took weeks. And then he swiftly regressed back to square one, even though I was not feeding in the night and not going in to him.

So, what I'm trying to say is that I've been there....

When you're incapable of making any decisions because your brain is in such a fog.

When all you feel like doing is crawling into bed but you always have to keep going.

When your eyes feel constantly heavy-lidded and tears often and easily flow.

When you get sick because your body has absolutely no reserves.

When you have no patience (poor Turbo often got the worst of me) and feel like you're going to tip over the edge at any moment.

When you want to strangle other mothers who have babies younger than yours who sleep through the night.

When you wonder constantly what it is you're doing wrong...especially if it's your second time around with a baby who doesn't sleep well.

So I wanted to send cyber hugs and some prayers to any mums going through that awful phase where the night wakings are still frequent, and where you live in a constant fog, just trying to survive the day.

It does pass! I promise.

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Sammy said...

Don't strangle me, because then I'd be dead, and you would be sad....
Seriously, you are on the other side- how wonderful is that!!!??!! Poor Liesl though :-(

Meghan at MNM's said...

So great to be in a space where you can even write 'it shall pass'. God is good hey!

You'll probably always remember that time for how hard it was, but being out the other side and with the benefit of passing time it starts to seem less painful!

Maxabella said...

Good on you, Penny! This is such a big issue for so many of us. I have had three precious nights in the last almost-seven years where all of my children slept all night. Yes, just three. I cherish them. They remind me that I can get there again someday. x

Anonymous said...

Oh I remember it all so well. It came screaming back to me this week with my little one being sick and the sleepless nights that went with it. Nothing like the fog of fatigue. NOTHING!

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